Have you ever felt stuck? Not literally (as in your shoes are stuck to the floor and you can't move or maybe somehow you have fallen into a tar pit and are stuck and sinking--if this is you, you should probably stop reading and call for help), but you just feel like you can't get motivated to do anything? I am-- at this moment--stuck. I have been stuck for 4 days now. Did you ever see that movie Awakenings--where Robert De Niro plays a man that is catatonic?
That's how I feel at this moment. Now, please don't think I am, in any way, making fun of anyone who suffers from this condition--I'm just saying it's where I am emotionally at this moment. I feel trapped inside my own body and unable to motivate myself to do a single. solitary. thing. It's so frustrating.
With my boys home this week for fall break I knew life would be a little more hectic, but I was still hopeful about accomplishing a little more besides wiping the drool off my chin that keeps sliding down my face as I seem to be unable to even muster the energy to close my mouth. Sigh. I've considered several options as to why this has come over me so suddenly. We have had a pretty busy schedule lately--lots of appointments, activities, and Super Rock Star has had gigs every weekend which always creates a need for some heavy duty recovery time. So, it's possible that my body is just telling me to just rest. The thing is, I'm getting plenty of sleep and I feel fine physically--especially since I've been in this frozen state for several days now. It seems that maybe there is more to it than lack of rest. I'm beginning to wonder if it's a deeper more spiritual type rest that I need. The Bible talks many times of the Sabbath and how we need to observe it--and we DO go to church most every weekend and worship and then come home and sit our rumps and enjoy watching football and relaxing. In the Beginning, God even took a rest from His work--you know creating the universe, sun, stars, moon, planets, earth, water, air, animals, plants, and humans in six days (minor things, but hey, let's not deny Him the need for a bit of a breather on the 7th day). The Bible also talks of Jesus taking rest--getting away from the crowds and even taking a nap in a boat in the middle of a pretty severe storm (He must have been REALLY tired--boy have I been there!) So, it makes sense to me, that the Lord, would seriously need to shut down my body and brain just to force me to take a break from the worries of life. It's kind of like when my boys were little, I would have to force them to take naps--they were so tired and didn't even know it (screaming at me at the top of their little lungs--I'M NOT SLEEPY!!!!!).
Maybe that's what God is doing for me at this moment. I've been running a pretty successful 3 ring circus for several weeks now and I seem to think I need to keep it up, so I'm trudging along like a little freight engine, just doing doing doing--the next commitment, the next project, the next appointment. But, I'm not enjoying anything. I should have been clued in when things, that I normally enjoy and are a pleasure for me, started to feel like a chore --"I guess I should look at the gorgeous fall colors right now (heavy sigh...)", or "isn't this carmel latte delicious (said in most bland, boring attitude)"--I feel like Debbie Downer from Saturday night live. (Can't you just hear the Whom, whoooom).
The one bright spark in all of this inactivity has been the enjoyment of just sitting in an environment with my boys and listening to and watching them play. In all the business of getting things done, I have started to take for granted the sheer pleasure of listening to them as they lose themselves in wonderful worlds of imagination. I LOVE that time has no affect on them whatsoever--they are not bound by any type of schedule when they are in their imaginary universe and everything just morphs together effortlessly from one game to another. It fascinates me that I never have to come up with a way to entertain them.
Children come naturally equipped with everything they need to enjoy life and it's all wrapped up in their wonderful little minds. I find myself envying them that they can just be so free to enjoy and they trust that their Daddy and I will take care of their every need. When they're hungry--we feed them. When they're thirsty--we give them a drink. Whatever they need we provide it for them because we love them.
And it's time I remembered that Jesus promises that for me too--and He didn't say it would end when I became a grown up. In Mathew 6:25-27 it tells us not to worry about our lives-- what we eat or drink or about our bodies and what we will wear. He takes care of the birds of the air and THEY aren't worrying about it, so we don't need to worry either because we are so much more precious to Him than birds. In other words--I AM free to just enjoy the things in this life--I'm the silly one that keeps making it a chore. I read recently that play time is essential for children because for them--that IS their work. Wouldn't it be something if I could enjoy my chores, to do's, appointments and such with the same enthusiasm that my boys enjoy pretending to be Iron Man, Spies, or Shark Boy? The Bible talks in Mathew 18:3 of how we are to become like little children to enter the kingdom of heaven. So, maybe, just maybe, the whole reason God has forcefully made me sit still is because it was the only way He was able to get my attention to remind me that I need to be more child like.
Life is hard. The world is a scary place right now. Sometimes I just want to go hide and not come out until it's all better. But, God seems to be saying that it's a condition of my attitude, my perspective. He's got the whole world in His hands. Yes, there are serious things going on in our lives and world. Yes, I have responsibilities that sometimes weigh very heavy on me. But, I am also blessed to know the One who has it all under control and that I can trust to deal with all of the scary things that I see with my eyes and hear with my ears. He has not given me a spirit of fear, but of power love and a sound mind. It's the JOY of the Lord, that is my strength!
Now, excuse me, I must go put on my Wonder Woman costume (or maybe Bat Girl) --I've got some toilets to scrub!
Writers Note: Any grammatical errors are put there are on purpose --you know--so that all of my grammar geek friends can enjoy finding them. Kind of like a word search...only different.
No comments:
Post a Comment