To buy or not to buy--THAT is the question!

Momma's Log October 27, 2015 (Kwrp)

Today we need  to discuss a critical topic--one that can raise havoc in households all across our nation, dividing families, causing weeping and gnashing of teeth and tearing at the very fabric of our peaceful lives: Do you do store bought or homemade Halloween costumes?

Now, this is seemingly a simple question to answer, but in my almost 9 years as a Momma--I tell you it is NOT.  Every year I face the excruciating anxiety over what my two little monsters will tell me (demand) what they would like to dress up as.  When they were babies--we got to choose for them and boy did we have fun!

But, now that they are older, they have VERY specific ideas on this subject and, buckle up because it can be a bumpy ride.  You see, kids, there this little known phenomenon called "television show/movie influence" that I am just becoming aware of.  What is this? You may ask.  It is the syndrome that causes all children to become OBSESSED with whatever they have recently been exposed to on television or movies.  Did you take your kiddos to see the latest Disney movie? Uh huh.  Did--as soon as the lights sprang on--your overly excited and over the top stimulated child then start rattling off how they wanted to be the hero/princess/robot or whatever was portrayed in the movie?

Yep.  Later when you got home, did your child stumble across the newspaper ads and see that there were TOYS available to purchase featuring said characters and then start begging and pleading and giving you their Christmas and birthday wish lists involving these toys? (My boys lists have extended into --"for this birthday I want this and for my next birthday I want this", and so on....we're at about 5 years from now on the wish lists)  And then, low and behold, did the catalog featuring Halloween costumes somehow escape the recycle bin and end up in front of Junior in all of his wide eyed wonder that not only are there toys, but he realizes his dreams can now come true--he can now BE the one he has been obsessing over?  And there you have it--the dilemma.

On the one hand one has to consider budget--Halloween costumes can cost as much as a weeks worth of groceries.  But, on the other hand--one has to be pretty crafty and creative to put some of these contraptions together in a way that it will at least seem like the real deal.  Sometimes the time, effort and cost of materials alone can be staggering.    Whatever happened to the one piece flimsy jumpsuit costumes with the hospital tie in the back and the horrible plastic slitty eyed, barely large enough hole to breath through masks that cost like 5 bucks?

No, no today costumes are all elaborate with the built in poofy muscles, the layer upon layer satin gowns and then--oh my gosh--the accessories (sold separately, of course).  The guns, swords, shields, tiaras, purses, wigs, wands and helmets--it just goes on and on and on.  Last year was a purchase year for me and not only did we have masks and weapons, but we had to have special gloves too. My goodness, who knew that a pair of finger less gloves would cost as much as a weeks worth of latte's?

Now, I know what you're going to say (in your most condescending voice)--"you know you don't HAVE to do all that?  Second hand stores have perfectly good used costumes and last year I only spent $10 for little Johnny and he was as happy as can be".  And you would be right.  I could do that.  But, there is something magical about allowing my boys to become the objects of their fantasy that make them feel like super heroes.  I love placing them in the moment and watching their imaginations soar as they battle the legions of doom and destruction that threaten to take over our humble abode.  But, it does come at a price--sometimes a hefty one.

This year, I goofed big time and I suppose that is the reason for my post today--to save other parents from being as foolish as I was a few weeks ago. We were all set--with the latest Avengers movie that came out earlier this year and then Ant Man this Summer.  My boys had decided on store bought costumes and I had even clipped coupons for some pretty significant savings that would help me not break the bank.(Yay me!)  But then I made the mistake of all rookie mistakes:   Anyone else have Netflix? Yeah, me too.  Anyone else let their kids watch Shark boy and Lava girl?

My boys LOVED it.  I mean LOVED IT LOVED IT.  They've seen it about half a dozen times in less than a month.  I realized too late that the imaginations of my two super heroes had shifted from Ant Man and Ultron to......Shark Boy.

What?!!! But, but...we had a PLAN and, and....I had it all worked out! Why, you ask,  would this changing of their minds create such crisis?  Well, you see, the movie came out about 10 years ago. (Truthfully, I should have realized this since Shark Boy is played by Taylor Lautner and I know he's not 10 anymore cause I've watched him as the wolf boy/man, or whatever, in Twilight)  And,as you can imagine, there are no toys to correspond (bonus for me). But-- the big horror--no costumes.  None.  Nada.  I had two little faces imploring me with their precious blue eyes and pleading to be Shark Boy. " Please Momma? PLEASE?????".

So, I did what any Mother would do...  I told them they couldn't be shark boy because they don't make shark boy costumes and that it was unfortunate that Netflix would revive a show featuring super heroes that kids love and not have some sort of product marketing to go with it. And that was that.   Or so I thought.  My boys would have been fine, if I told them they had to settle for a second choice.  To be honest my boys would be fine wearing the same costumes from last year, but it was me that wanted to make them happy.  To eek out those precious grins of excitement that come in such rare waves these days.  To be THEIR hero in coming up with a way to make their dreams (silly though they seem) come true.  So, I begrudgingly got on Pinterest (the bane of my existence) found a couple of photos from folks that had found simplified ways to make the costume and I grumpily got to work.

One of my friends told me recently that she felt like I had a mom gene that she didn't get.  I want to be perfectly honest with you.  I love my boys and I LOVE being a Momma--Super Rock Star and I do A LOT for them and with them and love every second.  But, for me, every birthday party, every Christmas surprise, every planned fun outing, and yes, every Halloween costume always begins with a curmudgeony groan of "UGH--this is going to take FOREVER" or "WHY oh why can't we just dial this one in--I don't wanna!" I wanted to have children as long as I can remember and I always imagined myself being the kind of crafty, creative, come up with a zillion projects and always engage my children Mom. But, I found out real quick that this Momma thing does not come naturally to me--EVER.  Most days I am just fumbling along and feeling pretty smug whenever we make it to the end of the day with all of us alive, somewhat clean and fully clothed.  I am always thrilled when I feel I got one right--those moments when I feel like there should be some sort of awards ceremony that miraculously pops into my home and Dick Clark (If he were still alive) bestows on me the Mother of the Day award.

I never regret investing time in my two little boys, but I am a selfish, introverted, grumpy Gus on the inside and it takes a lot of effort for me, a lot of days, to invest time to do much more than just get by.  I'm not proud of it and I know I have a long way to go in changing my attitude.

The Shark Boy costumes really weren't that big of a deal to put together and it didn't take much time at all.  In fact, just between you and me...I enjoyed it.  It was fun to be a little creative and it brought me a lot of joy to know how happy my boys would be when they got to be the object of their current dreams.   And, yes, they are SO happy--you just can't tell in these pictures because Shark Boy is always apparently grumpy (he and I have A LOT much in common) and my boys are method actors.

How about you?  Are you a store bought costume purchaser or do you like to get out your inner Martha Stewart and come up with your own creations?  I will tell you, after this experience, I will not be as hesitant to explore the home made option more often--it's fun to have them dressed up as something different than the masses.  And, just in case you're wondering--no.  No, I am not going as Lava Girl.  Tight pink spandex is not happenin on this Momma's body.

Stuck

Momma's Log October 15, 2015 (Kwrp)

Have you ever felt stuck?  Not literally (as in your shoes are stuck to the floor and you can't move or maybe somehow you have fallen into a tar pit and are stuck and sinking--if this is you, you should probably stop reading and call for help), but you just feel like you can't get motivated to do anything? I am-- at this moment--stuck.  I have been stuck for 4 days now. Did you ever see that movie Awakenings--where Robert De Niro plays a man that is catatonic?

That's how I feel at this moment.  Now, please don't think I am, in any way, making fun of anyone who suffers from this condition--I'm just saying it's where I am emotionally at this moment.  I feel trapped inside my own body and unable to motivate myself to do a single. solitary. thing.  It's so frustrating.

With my boys home this week for fall break I knew life would be a little more hectic, but I was still hopeful about accomplishing a little more besides wiping the drool off my chin that keeps sliding down my face as I seem to be unable to even muster the energy to close my mouth.  Sigh.  I've considered several options as to why this has come over me so suddenly.  We have had a pretty busy schedule lately--lots of appointments, activities, and Super Rock Star has had gigs every weekend which always creates a need for some heavy duty recovery time.  So, it's possible that my body is just telling me to just rest.  The thing is, I'm getting plenty of sleep and I feel fine physically--especially since I've been in this frozen state for several days now.   It seems that maybe there is more to it than lack of rest.  I'm beginning to wonder if it's a deeper more spiritual type rest that I need.  The Bible talks many times of the Sabbath and how we need to observe it--and we DO go to church most every weekend and worship and then come home and sit our rumps and enjoy watching football and relaxing.  In the Beginning, God even took a rest from His work--you know creating the universe, sun, stars, moon, planets, earth, water, air, animals, plants, and humans in six days (minor things, but hey,  let's not deny Him the need for a bit of a breather on the 7th day).  The Bible also talks of Jesus taking rest--getting away from the crowds and even taking a nap in a boat in the middle of a pretty severe storm (He must have been REALLY tired--boy have I been there!) So, it makes sense to me, that the Lord, would seriously need to shut down my body and brain just to force me to take a break from the worries of life.  It's kind of like when my boys were little, I would have to force them to take naps--they were so tired and didn't even know it (screaming at me at the top of their little lungs--I'M NOT SLEEPY!!!!!).

They would be so grumpy, rubbing their precious little eyes, but didn't want to stop playing to get rest--even though I knew they would feel better (and I would too)if they did.

Maybe that's what God is doing for me at this moment.  I've been running a pretty successful 3 ring circus for several weeks now and I seem to think I need to keep it up, so I'm trudging along like a little freight engine, just doing doing doing--the next commitment, the next project, the next appointment.  But, I'm not enjoying anything.  I should have been clued in when things, that I normally enjoy and are a pleasure for me, started to feel like a chore --"I guess I should look at the gorgeous fall colors right now (heavy sigh...)", or "isn't this carmel latte delicious (said in most bland, boring attitude)"--I feel like Debbie Downer from Saturday night live.  (Can't you just hear the Whom, whoooom).

The one bright spark in all of this inactivity has been the enjoyment of just sitting in an environment with my boys and listening to and watching them play.  In all the business of getting things done, I have started to take for granted the sheer pleasure of listening to them as they lose themselves in wonderful worlds of imagination.  I LOVE that time has no affect on them whatsoever--they are not bound by any type of schedule when they are in their imaginary universe and everything just morphs together effortlessly from one game to another.  It fascinates me that I never have to come up with a way to entertain them.

Children come naturally equipped with everything they need to enjoy life and it's all wrapped up in their wonderful little minds.  I find myself envying them that they can just be so free to enjoy and they trust that their Daddy and I will take care of their every need.  When they're hungry--we feed them.  When they're thirsty--we give them a drink.  Whatever they need we provide it for them because we love them.

And it's time I remembered that Jesus promises that for me too--and He didn't say it would end when I became a grown up.  In Mathew 6:25-27 it tells us not to worry about our lives-- what we eat or drink or about our bodies and what we will wear.  He takes care of the birds of the air and THEY aren't worrying about it, so we don't need to worry either because we are so much more precious to Him than birds.  In other words--I AM free to just enjoy the things in this life--I'm the silly one that keeps making it a chore.  I read recently that play time is essential for children because for them--that IS their work.  Wouldn't it be something if I could enjoy my chores, to do's, appointments and such with the same enthusiasm that my boys enjoy pretending to be Iron Man, Spies, or Shark Boy?  The Bible talks in Mathew 18:3 of how we are to become like little children to enter the kingdom of heaven.  So, maybe, just maybe, the whole reason God has forcefully made me sit still is because it was the only way He was able to get my attention to remind me that I need to be more child like. 

Life is hard.  The world is a scary place right now.  Sometimes I just want to go hide and not come out until it's all better.  But, God seems to be saying that it's a condition of my attitude, my perspective.  He's got the whole world in His hands.  Yes, there are serious things going on in our lives and world.  Yes, I have responsibilities that sometimes weigh very heavy on me.  But, I am also blessed to know the One who has it all under control and that I can trust to deal with all of the scary things that I see with my eyes and hear with my ears.  He has not given me a spirit of fear, but of power love and a sound mind.  It's the JOY of the Lord, that is my strength! 

Now, excuse me, I must go put on my Wonder Woman costume (or maybe Bat Girl) --I've got some toilets to scrub!

Writers Note:  Any grammatical errors are put there are on purpose --you know--so that all of my grammar geek friends can enjoy finding them.  Kind of like a word search...only different. 

Fall Break

Momma's Log October 7, 2015 (Kwrp)

Ahh! Fall Break!  It's that time of year again...that time we all look forward to with hold your breath excitement and anticipation! (Insert sound of record needle scratching across record) What?! You've never heard of fall break?  Yeah, me neither.  Not until about 4 years ago when my lil guys started school.  Yep, here in the good ole State of Colorado, in the fair city of Colorado Springs, in the not so well known district of 49 we GET to have fall break. Wait....Wha?  I know. I know.  But, let me take a small moment of my day to give you the highlights of WHY we are the privileged chosen of this break that no one in the rest of the world and hardly anyone else in our city has. 

You see, kids, a few years ago, the smarty pants, higher ups in our district claim that they took a survey  asking parents various questions about their preferences for the school schedule--start and end times for the school day, where the school buses should pick up and drop off, and yes, apparently there was a question about having a fall break.  But, what no one seems to remember is that the pay off for this fall break would be to start school in the middle of summer instead of the, preferred... end of summer.  Instead of getting to enjoy all 12 weeks of soaking in the sun(you know, that 2 hours we get before noon here in Colorado when the temp finally reaches a reasonably warm level), playing in the pool (hopefully yours isn't in the shade til 2:00pm and therefore you don't get to play very often because of the afternoon thunderstorms that come through like clockwork), eating Popsicle's, playing at the park and doing all of the summery things we all love to do--they decided that we only needed 9 weeks to get all of our activities in.  We GET to start school on August 1st and since that makes for a pretty long stretch til Thanksgiving and Christmas break,  we GET to have fall break.  

Now, I don't mean to be one to complain.  Having a break can certainly be nice, but I'll be real honest...I'd  rather have back my summer.  For the last four years we have had to move through our summer activities at break neck speed. Starting in late May I'm barking out orders to go play like a drill sergeant:   

"Okay, today, we need to go play at the park!  I don't care that it's only 50 degrees, just bundle up--wear your heavy coat and gloves, it's summer break--we don't have time to wait until the weather is warmer.  There's a schedule to keep here--we have miniature golf to play, we must go camping and fishing, there's the zoo to visit, we gotta go to a water park and a baseball game.  Move it! Move it! Show some hustle!" My poor boys move meekly through our break looking dazed and confused as to why our summer break doesn't look or feel like the ones they've seen on TV. 

Truth be told, I do love fall--it's probably my favorite time of year and I DO enjoy spending time with my boys.  I've really been missing them since school started, but coming up with ways to entertain Thing 1 and Thing 2 so they don't destroy our happy dwelling, is a little trickier than than it would have been 2 months ago.   Plus, with Christmas only a mere 78 days away, the ole pocket book is a little thin on funds. With the weather turning cooler, it's harder to find free and inexpensive things to do.  So, for the sake of my sanity and the humblest of hopes, I turn to you today with the plea of my heart crying out for some ideas on some activities we can do for the next 10 days that will not break the bank and not drive me crazy.

PLEASE, for the love of all things holy, do NOT suggest anything you have seen on pinterest.   For you crafty sorts out there--I love you, I think you're creativity is....well...just nifty, but I am still cleaning out glitter from every crevice in my kitchen table after following an over zealous suggestion 3 years ago.  Movies, movies and more movies are all I have in my arsenal right now and I'm trying really hard to not turn my children into mindless, vacant zombies.  

Any suggestions would be helpful--I'm sure more than one of us could use a few fresh ideas on some things to keep us going for the next few days...unless, of course, you are one of the lucky ones and your kids are in school...where they're supposed to be..this time of year. 

Making an "Ebenezer Stone" kind of change

Momma's Log September 30, 2015 (Kwrp)

Change.  I don't know about you, but that word usually sends heebeegeebee chills down my spine.  I am not a person who likes sudden change.  I like my schedule (as seen in last weeks post), I like to know that the sun comes up and the sun goes down, I like my bowl of cheerios every morning and my cup of coffee every afternoon.  I'm a bit like Rainman (Wapner...it's definitely time for Judge Wapner).

 I love the consistency of expected.  I've mentioned before how much I love this time of year with all the beauty of the colors changing and the cooler temperatures coming and the hope of cozy, using your fireplace season. (For those of you in Texas I realize this season never comes and I'm truly sorry, but hey! you get to have 105 degree temps and cockroaches the size of small Volkswagen's--so there's that....) But seasons changing are the kind of change I like-- it's part of the expected and, in that, I have comfort.  So I realize not all change is a bad thing.  For instance, some of us have bad habits we would like to change, for some, a job change would be a good thing, and for others of us, an attitude change would be in order ( a certain 8 year old child o mine, comes to mind). But, change, whether it's good or bad can sometimes be hard and even painful.

A few months ago I was out for a walk.  These excursions are when I like to have my good long talks with God--well I do most of the talking--He patiently listens to all of my blathering and gives the appropriate "Mmmhmms and Oh Really's" But, on this particular day, I was lamenting over all the areas of struggle I am dealing with.  You know, those things in your life that you REALLY are just sick and tired of dealing with--the desire to lose weight, to be more patient with your family, to save more and spend less, to not lose your cool driving down the highway when that same jerk keeps driving 5 mph slower than the speed limit in the fast lane and then when you try to go around him, he speeds up and then has the nerve to give YOU "the look".  ARRGGGGG!!!!  (Breath in, breath out, breath in, breath out) (I'm fine now. really) I'm sure if I asked you, you probably have a few other things you would add. It's like a battle that we are waging against some unseen force in ourselves.  We know we WANT to change, we know we NEED to change, but for some reason it is not an easy mind over matter situation.  We can have the best of intentions to "get it right next time" and then in the moment ...THUD! we stumble and fall and fail again and again and again.  It just seems and feels like it's never going to happen.

Anyway, on this particular day as I'm venting all of these frustrations, God reminds me of a little known passage in the Bible about the Ebenezer stone.  In 1 Samuel 7, the Israelite's have been sinning against God...again and God is basically ticked off at them (Big surprise).  So, they (the Israelite's) ask Samuel, their resident profit, to tell them what to do.   He commands them to: "Get rid of all your false gods and commit yourself to the Lord and serve him only" and they say: "Yeah, sounds good, lets do it" (I'm paraphrasing here).  So the Philistines (arch enemies of the Israelite's) hear that they (the Israelite's) have gathered outside an area called Mizpah and they (the Philistines) say: "let's attack them".  So, now the Israelite's are scared because they know they've been really naughty against God and that they know they can't fight the Philistines without God on their side so they beg Samuel to cry out to the Lord for them--

and... he does.  Here's the best part:  In 1 Sam. 7:10 it says "While Samuel was sacrificing the burnt offering(that's was one of things you had to do to let God know you were really sorry for your sins), the Philistines drew near to engage Israel in battle.  But that day the Lord thundered with loud thunder against the Philistines and threw them into such panic that they were routed before the Israelite's." Yeah, basically God threw down against the Philistines and wiped. them. out! Then in verse 12 it says:  "Then Samuel took a stone and set it up between Mizpah and Shen (the place where they kicked the Philistines butts).  He named it Ebenezer, saying, "Thus far has the Lord helped us".  So, what is an Ebenezer stone?  It's a marker that that Samuel used for the Israelite's to help them remember how God had  fought for them for them that day.  Every time they looked at that stone it reminded them that when they chose to follow God and do things His way, He came through in a HUGE way and gave them victory in their battle.

I really started to like this idea and I'm thinking "maybe this is something I need..I've been stuck in this same rut for years, nothing is changing and so maybe I just need a reminder of what God can do when I cry out to Him." So I decided to pick up my own stone and when I got home, I wrote the word Change on it.

When I look at my Ebenezer stone it is reminding me (well in my case commanding me):  "Hey You! Put that donut down and go exercise instead!" or "I don't care if the sale ends today, you don't have the money to buy those super cool, last pair available, boots!" "CHANGE"! (No, my rock doesn't really talk out loud--just in case you were wondering--it's just the way I hear it in my head).  I realized that all of these things I want to change are, in fact, things God wants me to change.  When you have the Creator of the Universe on your side, you are not helpless, but step 1 is:  you must realize that you need to change and step 2 is:  you need to believe that you are not helpless to change when you ask God for help.  I have some really bad habits that I've had for a long time and so getting myself a symbol to remind me daily to do something about it has been truly transforming for me. 

When Super Rock Star got home from work, I told him about this brilliant idea I had to have this rock in our kitchen (thankfully, i didn't haul home the boulder I had been eyeing...seemed a bit extravagant--probably would take up too much space)

and my plan for making it my reminder to really work at changing the not-so-nice things about myself.  To which he immediately responded-- as the awesome husband he is "What not-so-nice things?"  I love him!  Then he proceeds to tell me that they have something similar at his work.  He works for Compassion International and in one of their upstairs common areas they have this great statue of several rocks displayed.

(yeah...mine looks a little wimpy compared to this one, but THEY didn't use a super cool silver glitter pen to write on theirs.Ha!) Their statue was to celebrate their 60th anniversary and a remembrance of God's faithfulness to them as a ministry.

So what is it that YOU are desiring to change in your life?  Is there a struggle you've been having a long time and have grown so used to it that you've lost hope that it will ever be any different?  Maybe you just need a reminder.  Day to day life is sometimes hard and tedious.  We take baby steps and nothing spectacular happens and we think..."well maybe I just need to give up trying".  Don't. It's the beginning of a new season--the fall weather is gorgeous.  Go out for a walk, enjoy the cooler, crisper air (again, except in Texas....best wait til evening when the temps dip down to a tolerable 85 degrees and then you can take your ole cockroach friend for a walk), dig your hands in the dirt, pick out your own Ebenezer stone, and write your reminder on it. (You can even use special glittery pens if you want) and then put it in a place that you will see it everyday.  Maybe for you it's not a reminder shouting at you TO change, but a word or phrase to remind you of some awesome thing to be thankful for--a remembrance of His faithfulness in times past and His promise to be faithful in the future.

 I leave you today with a Bible verse I hope will encourage you:
Phil 1:6 "being confident of this that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus."

Chores, To Do's and other things I don't find very appealing

Momma's Log Sept 22, 2015 (Kwrp)

With school in full swing, leaves starting to turn and fall beginning to show it's signs of arrival, I am in full blown cleaning mode here at home.  I don't know what it is about fall, but this is, by far, my favorite time of year.  Unfortunately,  here in Colorado, it only lasts about 5.2 seconds.  But those brief bits are spectacular.  The aspens turn all goldeny yellow, the evenings become crisp and cool and yes, Starbucks starts selling it's infamous Pumpkin Spice Lattes.  You all are gonna have to enjoy that last one without me.  I love fall, but I am not a huge fan of pumpkin lattes.  Coffee is my best friend, but its going to have to come in caramel or vanilla variety.

Sorry, what was I talking about?  Oh, yeah. Cleaning. This time of year also always has me thinking I need to start doing some major home maintenance before the really cold weather starts. Ugh!  I love sharing the things I've learned about home making with others and I love learning from others what works for them.  But, I'll be real honest, cleaning and everything about cleaning is the least desirable thing about this stay at home Mom gig.  I have the best of intentions, I make glorious plans and lists and...well, here's the thing I've learned about myself:  I am an idea-tor ( hows that for a fancy way of saying I have ideas), but I am not an implementer.  I love coming up with new ways of doing things, but when it comes to the actual doing...not so much.  This is where I envy those of you who are privileged enough to get to hire professional cleaning help.  I am all about supporting others gifts and so if there is anyone out there that is aching to use their gift of cleaning... I can't afford to pay you, but hey, come practice and hone your skills at my place any time.  I am baffled that there are real live human beings out there that truly enjoy cleaning.  It's a skill they have developed and crafted and are experts at it and, get this, they are passionate about it. (What?! Yeah.  I know).   For those of you that this is you, just know, whereas I admire and respect you, I also see you as an alien life form that I'm not sure I will ever truly understand.  Same is true for those of you that enjoy doing laundry, ironing and doing yard work.

I know now that cleaning is a necessary evil in my household.  It is something I have to choose to do every day and it does not come naturally.  My mom can attest that I have never been much of a neat freak.  My best friend and roomie, Chelle and I in our freshman year in college won the prize for the messiest dorm room.  Girls we had never met before would bring their parents to our room so they could show them that maybe their own rooms weren't so bad after all.  I'm not proud of it. (Well, maybe back then, I was a little proud.) But, what I'm learning, as I get older, is to know thyself.  In other words figure out what works best for you and then do it.  Since, the birth of my first born 8 1/2 years ago,  I took on the role of Queen of our household, Ruler to the masses (our two little boys) and Overseer of all things Home (When you read this, make sure you use the big booming voice that Galadriel the Elf Queen uses in Lord of the Rings when she's being tempted by the ring),

I determined that I did not want to spend all my time cleaning and doing chores.  I wanted, and still want, my focus to be on the people in this home, not on busying myself with things that take up all my time and attention.  That being said, I found out real quick that you have to find a balance.  There are some well meaning souls out there that advise you when you become a Mom to just "let the housework go and enjoy your time with your children... it goes by so fast"  True, it's going by lightning fast.  But, I don't think it's realistic to stop doing all dishes, laundry and vacuuming so that we can gaze into our little poonims inky black infant eyes and sing lullaby's and laugh and play all day.   That sounds real nice, but at some point, unless your a bajillionare and can afford to just throw out everything that has been thrown up on, squirted with diarrhea, and slobbered on by teething toddlers, I think we might have to look at the real possibility that cleaning has to be a major part of what we do here at home.

Since, as I've mentioned, It's not something I enjoy:

 (ah ya have lad, ffffrrrequently),

I have developed systems over the years that have worked.  In my early Momma years, I kept things pretty simple and did just the basics once a week (including vacuuming).  For some of you, that might seem..."Ew, gross, I need to vacuum and clean toilets every day"  And that's fine.  This was my first attempt at a To Do list

Don't laugh about me needing to remind myself to do my nails.  Seriously, if I don't, I can't tell you what a scraggly mess they become.  Also, I love crossing things off a list and I put as many things on there that I know I could get done or even have already done just so I could cross it off.  It makes me feel more accomplished and Super Girl like.  During the years I used this list, I would add the unplanned stuff that came up on the empty lines (errands I needed to run,  yard work, etc) and then I would do a big spring cleaning and fall cleaning every year and scrub my home, windows and get all the closets and such cleaned out.

About 5 years ago we moved to a bit larger home and it became apparent to me real quick that this list wasn't going to cut it.  As my boys have grown, not only are they getting messier, but they are also able to take on some of the responsibility of helping keep our home clean. ( I'll get into kids chores on another day)  Plus, the waiting to do deep cleaning twice a year was overwhelming me two months out of every year.  I came across a nifty lil blog a few months ago called www.simplykierste.com.
She's got charts and lists for everything, but I really liked this cleaning chart she has:

This has served as a great guide to me for things I can do each day, week and month to keep my house not only cleaner, but in better repair.  I adapted it to fit my schedule and needs and came up with this version that has been working great for me so far.

Plus, I don't have to worry about doing spring or fall house cleaning any more.  It's built into this day to day schedule.  And, yes, I DO have to remind myself to take a shower and get dressed every day.  I am amazed at how quickly time flies by and before I know it's 2:00pm and I stink to high heaven and am still in my stretchy pants.  You may notice that I schedule time to do things I enjoy like read, write and practice music.  I've found that if I don't schedule some things I enjoy, then all I do are house projects and chores and it leads to a not so happy me.


 Another thing I put in my schedule is to have a fun day (or morning).  I go for hikes, bike rides, shop garage sales and thrift stores, drink coffee at a coffee shop and just enjoy myself.  I'm not saying this way works for everyone. but, for me, just having a system in place is half the battle. It has taken me a while to find what works and I highly encourage you to put something in place.  I am not a "fly by the seat of your pants person"--that kind of living leaves me stressed, but I'm also not a stringent "follow the list and only the list" nazi either.  Like I said, you have to find the balance and leave wiggle room for the surprises (chaos, "good grief what fresh hell is this") that inevitably occur.  One last thing I have on there is Big Projects and Small Projects.  This is a list I keep that me helps to keep me on track with the things that sometimes pile up. For Big Projects it's things like getting ready for a garage sale, doing home repair stuff,etc and for Small Projects it can be things like calling to make doctor appointments, filling out permission slips, etc. 

I hope this at least gives you some ideas on where to start if you don't already have a working system in place.  Some of you, I'm sure, have much more tech savvy ways of doing things and I have to admit I wish I was not so technology challenged or apprehensive.   I am definitely an old school print it out so I can cross it off the list gal.  I would love to hear from you on the what things you have found that work. 

21 Things I've learned about Marriage in 21 years

Momma's Log September 12, 2015 (Kwrp)

I'm a bit behind on some topics I wanted to write about, so forgive me if I overload in the next couple days.  I don't think I could ever make it as a competitive writer such as a newspaper reporter, Lois Lane type.  I'm pretty sure I would always get out scooped since my writing tends to be not only meandering and unfocused at times, but I'm also really lousy at putting it out there in a timely manner.

For instance; Super Rock Star and I celebrated our 21st wedding anniversary on September 3rd.  As you can see it is well past September 3rd.  However, I REALLY wanted to post about the things I've learned about marriage in 21 years.  It would have been SO cool to have this all ready to go on our actual anniversary, but alas, life happens and  I'm a chronic procrastinator.  Plus, I was struggling to come up with 21.  It's really more like 5, but saying I've only learned 5 things in 21 years doesn't sound very impressive.  Just ignore the bits that sound like repeats.  It's 21.  Yeah, definitely 21 distinct things I've learned.

So, here it is.  The list you all have been waiting for, that I have built up with tingling excitement and anticipation (oooh! I can't wait to see what it says!). Drum Roll please! (This is the part where folks that can roll their tongues and make the cool drum roll sound and for those of us that are unfortunately unable to make this sound we sputter like a motor boat or slap our legs in a drum roll rhythm)

21 Things I have Learned in 21 years of Marriage

1. Choose to stay married to your spouse and choose to love them every day. Yes, this is a choice you must make.  Some days are easier to do this than other. Wretched morning breath and under the bed covers passing of gas can sometimes seriously damper the will to do this, but marriage is, at times,a sacrifice of our will.

2. Choose to forgive them.  Just as loving your spouse is a choice, forgiving them is too. If pain can be inflicted by anyone, it is even more so by our spouses. You have to choose to forgive for the small annoyances (piles of clothes left laying around) as well as the big hurtful things.

3.  Feelings follow actions.  I was so relieved when I ran across this bit of wisdom a few years ago.  Because some days, I just don't feel like...fill in the blank:  being kind, doing nice things, listening, and yes,even loving and forgiving. But, I find that when I go against my selfish feelings and just do the thing, I not only feel better, but it makes me feel more loving toward my husband and about him.

4.  It's o.k. to be angry and argue.  For some reason TV, romance novels and movies have us all convinced that if you're fighting with your spouse something must be terribly wrong. That's a lie.  Fighting and arguing are normal and healthy. It's important to remain civil and respectful when this happens, but a good healthy fight about stuff that's built up is very cleansing and can help draw you closer. 

 5.  It's also o.k. to go to bed without making everything better.  The Bible says to not let the sun go down on our anger. In other words...YOU need to make sure your not angry. But, that doesn't mean you have to hash it all out before going to sleep.  My husband and I have two very different ways of dealing with conflict.  I'm a people pleaser and I NEED everything to be okay, no one mad at me and all be right with the world so I can move on. He, on the other hand, needs time and space.  Sometimes we both need to take time to cool down or we'll end up saying hurtful things.

6.  Talk about the stuff. Even if you need some time or they need some time. You need to talk about it eventually.  Not talking can be deadly to a marriage. Get counseling if you need to.

7.  Find fun things that you enjoy doing together. During the early years of our marriage we had gotten into a bad habit of him doing his thing and me doing my thing and we began living separate lives. My husband has many hobbies; watching football, fishing, singing, watching horror movies...etc.  I have many hobbies too; sewing, reading, doing home project, hiking, running...etc.. As you can see our hobbies don't really match.  But, I have learned over the years to really enjoy most of his hobbies--I have learned to love fishing and watching football (Go Cowboys!), and sometimes we lead worship together for churches and such.  As far as horror movies--I tried, but no, he's on his own on this one. Same thing for him with running and sewing.  He tried, but it's not his thing and that's o.k. 
 
8.  Build your house together.  I don't mean the structure itself, I mean the parts in it. It's your home. It's your haven from the rest of the world. Do it together. For some this may seem strange, but when Super Rock Star and I look around our home, we enjoy seeing the history of our lives--the things we've collected, the pictures, the memories of doing projects. All of it becomes our glue for our home and our lives together.

9.  Keep going on dates. I know you've seen this one before, but it is worth repeating. Life can get so busy and hectic that we forget to just be together. Since my boys have started back to school, we've enjoyed getting away to a couple movies during the week days and shopping.Whatever your stage in life, find some time for just the two of you--even if it's a few minutes after the kids have gone to bed to just hang out and be together.

10.  Kiss and say I love you at least once every day.  Super Rock Star used to joke around and say  "I said it once, if I change my mind I'll let you know" (make sure you say this in your thickest hick accent and add a burp at the end). I feel very lucky that there hasn't been too many days in all our years together that he hasn't told me he loves me. It's special and it means the world to me.

11.  Don't flirt with others.  Period. Some think this is harmless, but it is very harmful and breeds jealousy and insecurity. Neither of which help make a healthy happy marriage.

12.  Don't even joke about divorce.  I love Ruth Graham's response when asked if she ever considered divorcing Billy Graham. "Divorce? No. Murder? Yes." Probably best to not joke about murder either.  I don't want something horrible to happen to my husband and then me end up in jail because my friends said something along the lines of "well, she did say she would kill him if he forgot one more time to pick up his dirty socks" (again, it with your thickest hick accent). But, with divorce, even speaking about it in jest plants a dirty little seed of discontent.

13.  Listen.  When your spouse has something to say to you, put down your phone, book, pause the television show you are watching and listen with eye contact.  Again, life can be so busy and moves so fast.  Nothing can make a person feel more lonely and isolated than to be ignored or only half heard in their own home with the one they love. On the flip side nothing makes one feel more appreciated and important to someone than to be really heard by the one they love and having them genuinely interested.

14.  Respect each other.  I know we all promised to do this for each other (along with love and cherish) on our wedding days, but it's a good reminder. My eyes have practically rolled out of their sockets at times with my husband when I'm feeling particularly disrespectful. It's one of those things along with some of the others I've mentioned that's a choice to do. To have respect for each other brings feelings of closeness and building together, to not have it brings feelings of isolation, hostility and distance.

15.  Speak highly of each other.  This goes along with respect. It's a way of showing your spouse that, "Hey, even when your not around, I still think the world of you and I want others to know it".

16.  Give each other genuine, specific compliments.  I don't mean flattery or just saying empty words.  Notice each other, tell each other what you like, and build each other up.
 
17.  Love the one your with.  Infidelity is rampant in our society these days. Since Super Rock Star's band plays a lot of clubs, I'm around a lot of folks looking for love most weekends.  Trust me, the singles scene for 30's 40's and 50 somethings is not even remotely appealing in my opinion.  The grass is not greener on the other side.  Love your grass and if it's not green, water and nurture it until it is.  Capiche?

18.  It's okay to have your own thing too.  I mentioned earlier that it's good to have things to do together, but I also believe it's good to have things you do apart. For him it's music, for me it's running and reading. It gives us more to talk about and share with each other and another way to show genuine interest in each other. Although, my husband will never understand the running thing. His belief is that if you are not being chased there is no need to run. Ha!

19.  Give each other physical love often.  Yes, I'm talking about what you think I'm talking about. To be honest this should be in the top 5. (#1 for Super Rock Star.  Ha!) If you are newly married, you are probably thinking "what?! impossible!  But, again, with the busy, hectic life thing--especially when children enter the picture, things get put on the back burner. Just trust me--don't let that happen. But, also remember to hug, cuddle, and hold hands. The world can seem harsh and ugly sometimes. Nothing makes me feel better instantly than just a big ole hug from my man.

20.  Inside jokes are essential. In the 21 years we have been together, he and I  almost have our own language. So many things he can say to me and I know exactly what he's talking about that no one else would.  Movie quotes(most any line from The Princess Bride), song lyrics (we have conversations in song around our house), it's only growing as our boys have added to our language too.

21.  Think about each other when you are apart.  We save a lot of our conversation till the end of the day.  But, all throughout the day I am thinking about him and of things that I want to tell him about. The silly but sometimes dangerous part for us is that we each have experienced times of having imaginary conversations with each other and then forgotten to have the actual conversation. Deep confusion and chaos occurs when it has to do with scheduling something ("I told you about that 3 weeks ago!"  "Um, no you didn't." )

So, there you have it.  The things I have learned about marriage in my 21 years of marriage.  Now, let's be clear, I've learned these things, but I can't honestly say that I always remember to put them into practice.  I am sure many of you have things you would add and I would love to hear about them.  The bottom line is staying married is a decision you make every day.  Some days marriage can be really hard.  If you're in a hard time, just remember it's temporary. I have personally experienced  my feelings following my actions.  When I choose him, my feelings for him grow.  Also, marriage is fun.  No one makes me belly laugh harder than my husband. He is truly my favorite person and I love that our years together just keep solidifying him as my best friend. Happy 21 years Babe!