This time of year I often long to get away to some place warm. By mid January most of us cold state dwellers get about sick to death of air so cold it hurts, dressing in layer upon layer of heavy bulky clothing and feeling like our skin is going to shrivel like a raisin with the below freezing dry atmosphere.
Snow has lost all of its charm and and a 55 degree sunny day send most of us running outside in our shorts in flip flops like we just got released from prison. With spring break coming up next month I long to go some place with sandy beaches, sipping some fancy drink with a shish kabob of fruit in it, and soaking up the sun enjoying temps well above the frigid tundra I now find myself in. A girl can dream. Unfortunately this year (like many before it), it will remain a dream. Why? No BUDGET. No money. No dinero. No greenbacks. Nadda. Nuttin. That fleeting dream went flitting away when Super Rock Star and I GOT to buy new tires. For BOTH our cars... at the same time. So, while so many of you will get to enjoy my above mentioned fantasy played out in real life or some other fun trip with your fam--WE get to enjoy safely driving our cars on the never ending snow and ice. yay....
But, it got me to thinking about the seemingly constant state of feeling like I'm always being one step behind financially. Super Rock Star makes a generous salary and I am certainly an EXPERT in helping him spend it. But, I confess, when it comes to budgeting--especially for the the fun stuff and the dream stuff--I fail. It always seems that no matter how much I plan, fret, fuss and anguish over where to spend those hard earned dollars--a surprise always comes up. Planning to buy new furniture? The dishwasher goes out. Have the money set aside for ski weekend? My phone dies. It seems that life always throws a curve ball--especially when it comes to money and how I want to spend it. For years now, I have become aware that it was never really mine to spend anyway and I definitely want to be a good steward of ALL God gives us, but JUST ONCE I would like it if He and I were on the same page as to HOW and WHAT it was going to be spent on.
Every now and then we will get enjoy a bit of a wind fall--some unexpected refund or cash found or something like that.
For a few moments we dream about what we could spend it on--and admittedly it is usually a little selfish--a shopping trip for new clothes, or the like. So, why does it seem that within SECONDS of receiving that little extra-- some catastrophe happens to the tune of the how much money we just "found".
I know, I know. I need to be more grateful. I mean--we could end up going into debt rather than having the money on hand--and trust me--from experience---you do NOT want to go there. I have spent the better part of my adult years battling that beast and I am SO weary of it. I just long for a day when we are ahead of the game instead of a step behind. And it would be SO NICE to get to spend it on something fun without feeling guilty rather than something SO responsible and BORING.
I guess my point is... I just want to do better. I want to be able to have a little jingle in my pocket at the end of each month and be able to feel proud that we are on a good path--that we have paid all our bills, given in all areas where God has led us, put something in savings for us and our boys future, set aside some for the unexpected surprise expenses and taken care of all our responsibilities. AND THEN have the hope of being able to spoil ourselves a bit on something besides the immediately necessary and mundanely boring (a new dishwasher. Really?!!)
Does anyone else struggle with this? Or are we alone in our constant fret over getting ahead of the game. In some ways, I realize we are a product of some bad habits. In many marriages there is the "spender" and the "saver". Not so with us. We are BOTH spenders and neither one of us likes to save. If spending was an Olympic sport, I'm pretty sure I would be--many times over--a gold medal winner. I'm not necessarily a spend-o-holic--I don't just enjoy going out shopping looking for things to spend money on (although, I skated pretty close to that border back in my youth), but I'm very good at spending just a skosh more than we have every month. Little by little--it's not that bad. But when it all adds up at the end of the year, it's more than we can tackle and it keeps us from enjoying the fun stuff of life.
I've come to realize that these bad habits are stealing our joy. With an unending and never seem to be changing situation in our finances, I think both Super Rock Star and I sometimes feel a bit defeated. And when a person feels defeated SO MANY bad behaviors ensue. We waffle back and forth from tightening our belts financially to the point of suffocation to all out rebellion and saying "you know what? I'm sick of living like this--we need to have some FUN!" And so we do. And it's a mad, mad, mad, mad cycle.
I tell you what though. Like any bad behavior--you get to the point of just saying. Enough. Enough of this ridiculousness. The truth is that for most of us there will NEVER be enough money to stretch for all of our needs, wants and desires and I'm finally realizing that truth for me. It's the foolishness of this world to believe that we will be so much happier if we could just ____________ fill in the blank--pay off our debt, go on that vacation, buy that new shiny thing. Studies have shown that unless you are willing to change your habits and how you even approach spending you will always be behind--even if you make a bajilion dollars (but wouldn't it be fun to find out?).
Many of you are good savers and have put aside a tidy nest egg for future things and even retirement. I admire and envy you, but even that is not guaranteed. A perfect example of this is my parents-- they worked their hind ends off for YEARS-- investing and saving for their retirement. They had a very respectable amount saved and when they retired they started to enjoy spending the hard earned fruits of their labor. The problem was that a stock market crash wiped out a big chunk of that savings. I'm sure it felt like a sock in the gut to them when it happened, but my Dad just shrugged his shoulders and said "The Good Lord gives and He takes away. Blessed be the name of the Lord". (Job 1:21b). I'm not sure I would be so calm in the midst of that--I get upset if I discover I don't have the five dollars I was going to spend on my weekly coffee treat.
Can we all be a little more responsible with what we've been given? Absolutely. Should we have goals and budgets for obtaining the things we have? Of course. But, like any other issue--it shouldn't be an obsession that we spend all of our time worrying and fretting about. There has to be balance. I confess I have not found it yet--but, I'm trying. But that's what I'm SUPPOSED to be doing...working it out. Trying to do better. Will I fail? Yes. Will unexpected pitfalls happen? Unfortunately, yes. But will God take care of me in the midst of those failures and pitfalls? ABSOLUTELY! He promises that we will always have all we need (Phil. 4:19). I'm STILL trying to convince Him that a beach vacation is a NEED and not a WANT--it's an ongoing disagreement.
As for me? It's like so many other areas of my life. I know what I need to do....it's just a matter of doing it. Until then, I will wait for that 55 degree day-- take my sippy cup full of lemonade (mixed with an adult beverage), plop in a lawn chair in our sand box and pretend--just for a moment-- that I'm on a beach somewhere very exotic and I will toast those of you who get to enjoy the real deal. Send me a post card...
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